I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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