I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
