I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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