I've blown a few things in my day
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
