What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
