i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
