so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
