perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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