I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
