You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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