my sisters under your porch take her home
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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