Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
