Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
