oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
