Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
