just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize