there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
my nose is crying tears of wow.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
