Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
