Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
