she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
