just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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