haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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