I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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