And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
