WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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