You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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