I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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