would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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