i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
