Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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