If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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