Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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