Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
