I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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