Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
