he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize