I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
