I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
