now i know why i became what i already was.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
