oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
