We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
