but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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