Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
