Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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