and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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