accomplished twins. life is a go
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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