I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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