My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm at about main and main street
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
