If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
