Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
