You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
