So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
