he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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