My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
