There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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