I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
