Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
