We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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