i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
A+ Viking dick
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
