How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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