I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
